Kitty Rocks the House Read online

  “Invite me in, and I will tell you.”

  “No. Tell me why you’re here first,” I said. “Did Nasser send you?” That would be just like a Master vampire, to go ahead and do what he wanted despite what we’d told him.

  “Nasser of Tripoli?” He waved his hand dismissively, then took a deep breath, which was an affectation—vampires didn’t need to breathe except to speak. But he could demonstrate that he was about to make a speech, and how much trouble I was causing him. “I need to speak to Ricardo, Master of this city, but I do not know where he keeps his domicile. I’m given to understand that you can reach him. I would be most grateful if you could arrange a meeting between us.”

  Sometimes I wished Rick would just publish his number in whatever vampire directory existed, so people wouldn’t go through me. Arranging a meeting wouldn’t be hard; Rick would want to talk to this guy. A vampire priest? I had no idea.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket. “I don’t need to let you in for that. Hang on just a sec.”

  “But—”

  I turned my back on him and called Rick. The phone rang four, then five times. I didn’t know what I was going to do if he didn’t answer. Tell this Columban guy to come back later? Send him to Rick’s secret hideout? That’d go over well.

  Finally, he picked up. “Yes? I’m a little busy at the moment.”

  “What could you possibly be doing that you can’t immediately drop to come take care of my problem?”

  He hesitated a beat. “Sometimes I can’t tell when you’re joking.”

  “It’s my secret pain. But I wouldn’t bug you if it wasn’t important. I’m at New Moon and there’s a vampire here wanting to talk to you.”

  “That’s never good.”

  “No. He says his name is Father Columban.”

  “Father—like a priest?” He sounded more startled than I had.

  “That’s what he said. Interested?”

  “Are you sure he’s for real?”

  “Just a sec,” I said and lowered the phone to speak to Columban through the door. “Do you carry a coin of Dux Bellorum?”

  He cocked his head, narrowed his gaze. His tone held astonishment. “How do you know about the coins?”

  The answer didn’t tell me anything, really. Except that he was as neck deep in this as the rest of us, one way or another. “I get around. So, do you?”

  “No,” he said, with such earnest simplicity that I was inclined to believe him.

  Back to the phone I said, “Did you get that?”

  “I did. I’m intrigued.”

  “Yeah, I thought you’d be. Where do you want to meet?”

  “Do you mind letting him into New Moon? I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

  I kind of did. This was our sanctum, and this made it vulnerable. I glanced back at Ben, who shrugged. Shaun didn’t do anything—leaving it to the alphas.

  I sighed. “Okay. Come on in.” I opened the door for Columban. “Welcome to New Moon.”

  He gave another precise bow. “Grazie, signora.”

  Inside, he looked over Ben and Shaun and passed them by to sit at a table in the middle of the room. Ben and I lingered by the bar.

  We waited.

  * * *

  I HELPED Shaun close up the restaurant, and after the kitchen staff was done cleaning up, I sent everyone home. Ben kept his eye on the vampire, who didn’t move, didn’t speak. Didn’t make trouble, at least. He might have been meditating.

  When I got back to the front, I tried to start a conversation.

  “So. How old are you?”

  Columban only raised an eyebrow at me, as if asking how I could possibly be serious. I looked back expectantly. He didn’t say a word. Ah well.

  A tapping at the locked front door drew our attention. Rick smiled at me through the glass and glanced with interest at the other vampire. Columban stood, fingertips resting on the table. I opened the door for the Master of Denver.

  Rick swept into the restaurant in a puff of cool night air, his coattails fluttering around his knees. He paused as the door closed behind him, gazing around the place. Chairs had been put upside down on tables, the floor had been swept.

  “Hello,” Rick said, regarding us all, his expression calm. Columban bowed his head the barest inch. Neither made a move.

  We might have stood there all night, nobody saying anything. Except I wasn’t going to let that happen.

  “Rick, he says he’s Father Columban,” I started the introductions. “And this is Rick.” I figured after that, my work here was done. I could be a spectator.

  Rick waited a long time for Columban to say something, but the self-proclaimed priest just stood there, studying him.

  “Shall we sit?” Rick finally said, gesturing to the table.

  The man looked at Ben and me, standing off to the side. “Should they remain here while we talk?”

  “It’s their restaurant.”

  “Then you allow wolves to learn your secrets?”

  “Not only that, I feel better with them watching my back.” Rick gave me a quick look, nodding. I straightened, pleased with the vote of confidence.

  Columban’s expression darkened, as if he’d discovered a part of the universe had fallen out of alignment. “Very well,” he said, with a pointed sigh, as he sank back into his chair.

  Rick sat across from him, and I inched over to Ben. The two of us stayed standing, where we could at least pretend like we had some dominance over the situation.

  Columban continued. “I suppose I should thank you, then, for speaking with me at all.” His voice held something like wonder, or maybe confusion.

  “Father Columban. That’s an affectation, of course,” Rick answered.

  “I assure you, it isn’t.”

  “Then you were a priest before. I know priests can be turned—”

  “No. I became a priest after.”

  “How?” Rick said, curt and disbelieving. “Surely you don’t carry or wear a crucifix—”

  “I carry the symbols in my heart. Before I answer your questions, may I ask a question or two about you? I have heard only a little. You are Spanish, yes? From the seventeenth century?”

  Rick hesitated, looking as if he was about to lay down a hand in a game of poker. “Sixteenth.”

  “How long have you been in the Americas?”

  “Five hundred years.”

  “Then you were here from the start.”

  “From the first wave of Spanish colonization, yes.”

  Columban leaned back, nodding as if impressed, and pleased. As if he had found what he was looking for. “Then you are Catholic.”

  Rick turned a wry smile. “It’s difficult to be very religious at all in my condition.”

  The so-called priest’s hands were on the table. He leaned forward and asked, “Yes or no. Are you Catholic?”

  A long, anxious moment followed, and my heart thudded, racing on Rick’s behalf. Why did this feel like an inquisition? What answer was this man looking for? I’d known Rick for years, and I didn’t know what he was going to say.

  Rick’s voice caught before he murmured, “Yes. Still. Somehow. Whether or not God thinks so. When you haven’t actually taken communion in five hundred years—”

  “This isn’t about God. If the pope says you’re Catholic, you are, yes?”

  Rick seemed taken aback at that. “If you insist on leaving God out of it—I suppose it depends on the pope.”

  “You’re making this too complicated,” Columban said. “If we are wise, we judge men by their actions. Not by the labels other people use on them.”

  “I’m fairly certain my drinking human blood on a semiregular basis justifies at least one of the labels used on me.”

  “But do you believe in one holy and apostolic Church? Are you Catholic?”

  “Are you here to tell me that if I do, then I am? That if the pope says I am—”

  “Yes,” Columban said.

  I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“The pope knows about vampires? Has the pope always known? Have all the popes known? What has the pope got to do with vampires?”

  “Kitty, maybe you should let them talk,” Ben said.

  “But—” They were all looking at me now, so I shut up.

  Columban turned to Rick. “You have not asked what order I belong to.”

  “A liberal one, obviously,” Rick said.

  “I belong to the Order of Saint Lazarus of the Shadows. Those who return from the dead to do God’s work on earth.”

  “That’s not the original Order of Saint Lazarus,” Rick said. “The leper knights of the Crusades—”

  “We were hidden among them. Now that lepers and crusades are not as common as they were, we are all that remain.”

  Rick stared. “An order of vampire priests? That exists with the blessing of the pope? Really? That’s…”

  “Crazy. Yes. It is, rather. Ricardo, I am here to ask you a question: Would you like to become one of us?”

  Chapter 4

  I HAD collected Rick’s story in bits and pieces over the years. He had arrived in colonial Mexico in the early 1500s, a young Spanish nobleman seeking his fortune. Like hundreds of others, he joined Coronado’s expedition to find Cibola, the City of Gold. The expedition failed, but Rick—Ricardo—remained in Mexico. Soon after, he encountered a vampire and was turned against his will. The rest, as they say, was history. He made some kind of peace with his condition and eventually found that fortune he’d been looking for. Until recently, he’d kept to himself, and his existence had been quiet. Now, he was Master of Denver and attracting the attention of people like Father Columban, who apparently was on a mission from the pope.

  As a young Spanish nobleman, of course he would have been Catholic. Could that kind of faith last for five hundred years? When most of the church’s symbols were weapons against him?

  If Columban had just told him he could be made human and mortal again, Rick could not have looked more astonished. I kept my mouth shut, waiting for Rick’s answer. I tried to picture the calm, elegant man before me, who I’d known for years now, as a priest. Oddly, it wasn’t too difficult. He’d be the kind of priest you could confess anything to, and he wouldn’t even have to prompt.

  “Why?” Rick said finally.

  “We need more allies. When you became Master of Denver, you came to our attention. You are already fighting for our cause—think of how much more you could do as part of our order.”

  “And what of Denver?”

  “Surely others can look after one city.”

  “You know of Roman? Dux Bellorum?”

  “We have known of him from the beginning.”

  “And you couldn’t stop him before now?” I blurted.

  Columban gave me the kind of look he’d give a small child who’d just brought a frog into the house. Disgusted, dismissive. Obviously, I didn’t know what I was talking about. So I looked to Rick for an answer.

  “Roman has allies,” Rick said, still regarding the other vampire. “We’ve always known that. Obviously, they’re powerful allies, to stand against the Catholic Church.”

  Columban couldn’t exactly admit that out loud, could he? Well then. “So what you’re saying,” I said to him, “is that you need all the help you can get.” He didn’t twitch a muscle in response.

  After another long pause, Rick said softly, “This war just keeps getting bigger, doesn’t it?”

  “You know how much good you could do with us,” the priest said.

  “I always thought I was doing some good here,” Rick said.

  “You are,” I said. The priest glared at me.

  “The battle is larger than this one city.” Columban rose and smoothed his coat. “Your faith is strong. It could not be otherwise, to last so long. Think about what I’ve said. I’ll give you time,” he said, and turned to the door.

  Rick stood with him, raising his arm, as if he might reach out to the other vampire. “Stop. Wait. I have so many questions.”

  “I will answer them, in time.” He glanced at me, Ben. The werewolves. He wasn’t going to say anything in front of us.

  “How can I reach you?” Rick said.

  “Think about it. You’ll know where to find me.” Columban smiled, touched his forehead in a salute, and walked out.

  Rick started pacing, back and forth along the length of the bar. He made three passes before I asked, carefully, “Rick?”

  “I am astonished,” he said, stopping, giving a short laugh. His cheeks were almost flush, whatever blood he had borrowed rushing through him. “It’s been five hundred years, but when I close my eyes I can smell the incense, hear the chanting voices echoing off the stone walls.” And he did so, closing his eyes, tipping his head back, his nostrils flaring as if he really could take in the scene he described—the inside of a church.

  “Then you think he’s telling the truth,” I said.

  “Who would lie about something like that?” Rick said, his tone wondering. “No one would believe it.”

  On the other hand, I didn’t want to trust anyone who could walk in here and get Rick so agitated. This couldn’t be that simple, that straightforward. I looked at Ben—what did the lawyer think?

  “In any other case I’d say do a background check on the guy,” he said. “But I have a feeling that isn’t going to be too helpful here. You can’t exactly call up the Vatican and ask for references.”

  If only. Rick was staring into a far distance. He looked like someone who’d just had a religious experience. Which might not have been too far off. He murmured, maybe to himself, not intending anyone to hear, “This is what I get for isolating myself for all this time. I cut myself off because it was the only way to maintain some kind of … of morality. I’d never considered an alternative. That there might be others. My God.”

  Was that a curse or a prayer? “I wish I could offer you a drink,” I said.

  “I wish I could take it.” He shook his head a little, as if waking up from a dream, and strode back to the table, slumping into the seat. “I’m sorry. I suddenly have a lot on my mind.”

  “What are you going to do?” Ben asked.

  He hesitated a long time, hands resting lightly on the table. “I don’t know. Do—do you mind if I sit here, just for a little while? I need to think.”

  “You want us to leave you alone?”

  He pursed his lips. “If you don’t mind staying…”

  He wanted company. He’d been essentially on his own for five hundred years, and now he wanted company.

  I drew a pitcher of beer, brought over two glasses, and Ben and I sat at the table across from him. None of us said anything. Rick’s face was lined with worry, revealing something of the older man he never would become.

  Half an hour passed, then Rick stood. “Thank you,” he said. “I’ve imposed on you enough. I should be going.”

  I said, “It’s no imposition. Rick, if there’s anything we can do—”

  “I know, and I appreciate it. For now … I need to consider this all. Kitty, Ben, good night.”

  I unlocked the front door for him, and he swept out into the night. Ben came to stand beside me, and we both looked after him, though Rick had vanished almost immediately, lost in shadows.

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Rick can take care of himself,” Ben said.

  “You don’t sound convinced.”

  “All right. I’m worried. This sounds like a scam. What are we supposed to do about it?”

  I didn’t have an answer to that.

  * * *

  THE NEXT afternoon, I called Cormac. His cell phone rang, and rang, and rang, and I waited, because I knew he’d answer eventually. I pictured him driving in his worn, veteran Jeep, calmly hooking the hands-free in his ear, keeping his gaze on the road. Stuff happened, and him hurrying wouldn’t change it. I had to smile. Didn’t matter what happened or how much time passed, some things never changed.

  The line clicked, and he finally
came on. “Yeah?” A background hum indicated that yes, he was driving.

  “You busy?”

  “Why do you ask?” he replied.

  Nobody could ever give me a straight answer. “I have another job for you.”

  “Tracking down or spying?”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Is there a difference?”

  “I suppose not.” He sounded like he was grinning, which meant he was making fun of me.

  I let it go. He smiled seldom enough, let him have his fun. “There’s a new vampire in town. I want to find out if he really is who he says he is.”

  “Is he one of your conspiracy friends?”

  “I’m not even sure I know what that means. But no, he just showed up at New Moon last night without an invitation or anything. He said he’s a priest.”

  “Vampire priest? Is that even possible?” he said.

  “I’d love to find out. His name’s Columban, and he said he’s on a mission from the pope.”

  “Huh,” he said, which was about as surprised-sounding as he ever got. “Why’s he here?”

  “He’s trying to recruit Rick.”

  “And is Rick inclined to be recruited?”

  I hesitated. I really wanted to say no, that Rick was one of us. But the look on his face last night—that he’d found a long-lost relative, or even—obviously—found religion. “I don’t know.”

  “Where’s this new guy staying?” Cormac asked.

  “I don’t know. He told Rick he’d know if he thought about it. Can you look for him?”

  “I’ll see if I can find anything. No guarantees.”

  “Of course not. Thanks, Cormac.”

  “I’ll add it to the invoice.”

  “What? Oh … well, sure, now that you mention it. Maybe we should just put you on retainer. Can you have PIs on retainer? I could look it up—”

  “Good-bye, Kitty.” He hung up.

  I kept thinking he was softening up, getting a little more friendly. Maybe even domesticated. He’d been through so much. He even had a feminine side now, in the form of Amelia. But not likely. I got the feeling Amelia had never been any more domesticated than Cormac. They made a pretty good team.